Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
