my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
