the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
