Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
