Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
