I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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