I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
