stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
