Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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