this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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