Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
