I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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