if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
