12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
