Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
