Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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