I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
