My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You ruined the universe
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
