woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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