grandma shit on top of the toilet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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