question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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