When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
