i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
