She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
