Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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