hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
