he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
