there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
