guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
