yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
