what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
