I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
