First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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