I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
