Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
