Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
