Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
