I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
