The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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