where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
