I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
