Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Operation Purity has been aborted
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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