and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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