Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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