My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
