So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
