Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
