i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
