I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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