I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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