What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
