and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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