I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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