Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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