You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
