We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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