Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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