I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
