You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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