Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
