dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
