She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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