girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
