If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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