It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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