my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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